Thought I would update you on the thyroid episode and other things.
My doctor called yesterday and as I thought, my results have come back as 'dodgy'. She wanted to increase the dosage. I explained that I was in the middle of an IVF cycle so she thought it was a good idea to run it by my IVF consultant before we changed the medication.
My consultant is a really nice man and on a couple of previous occasions I have sent him a text to his mobile rather than calling. I am really not sure if this is ok but I figured that he wouldn't let me have his mobile number if he didn't want any contact that way.
So I sent him a text and bless him he responded straight away - and he was abroad...that made me feel a bit more guilty. He said that I should follow the advice of my doctor and increase the dosage if needed. So that's what I agreed to do with the doctor. I suppose I have to trust both of them and see what happens.
Its Day 1 of stimulating drugs later today, I got a bit of a stress head on when my Other Half (who has to stay away from home about once a month with work) told me that it would be May 1st......"Oh no, that's the first day of the magic juggling act with the new drugs". He came home last night and told me that he had arranged with his boss to make his excuses from the evening dinner so he could be at home with me. I obviously told him how much I loved him and gave him a great big hug.
The other thing on my mind....I am scared again.
In 13 days they could be doing egg retrieval, if all goes well. Do you know why I am scared? Because this whole cycle has taken 1 month up to now and the end is in sight. You may think I am mad but I am frightened of it all ending. I feel like I am in a protective bubble at the moment, that I can't feel pain because its all still in progress. I feel like I am edging towards that great big drop and I don't know whether the parachute will open when I jump.
You may say I could be closer to success but I can't think like that, so the scary monster is winning hairy hands down at the moment.
10 comments:
Good luck with the drugs - once you've done the first one they're no problem at all.
I know what you mean about being scared. This whole IVF journey is a big rollercoaster. The "up" part - on the way through a cycle - is almost easier than the rest as you're filled with hope and possibility. It's the down part that's a bit harder.
The only way to deal with it is to live in the moment. Don't think about what's going to happen in 13 days. Deal with today only. The future will happen so deal with it when it gets here.
I don't practice what I preach but it's good advice
xx
oh yes, you have described that bubble of being "in process" and the fear of it ending so perfectly! congrats on getting this far though, and best of luck with the stims!
Your concern sounds perfectly normal to me. I am always less stressed (though sad of course) while I have my period. The trying is the really anxiety-producing part.
Good luck with stims. I know what you mean about being scared. The unknown can be a really scary thing. xx
Everything you said makes perfect sense to me. The bittersweet never seems to be far from home after all. So glad your hubbie was able to be with you while you did drugs. :)
I totally feel the same way. I have been looking towards this point for so long- and now that it's so close- I am terrified of what the results will be.
I can see why you feel that way. At the moment you are doing all you can, the facing of the outcome is scary for sure. Hopefully great, but definitely scary.
It's nice your husband came home, sometimes you just need someone to be there.
We will help keep the monster at bay! Just take it one day at a time...sounds like you have a sweet other half!=)
You expressed that so well--sometimes the cycling is exactly like a protective bubble. I so hope, though, that this is your cycle--that the retrieval and transfer go well, and that this is your last bout of "cycling." Thinking of you...
I hope the first shot went okay, your hubby is a sweetie for making a plan to be home with you.
Scared is so natural. Its the unknown. Whatever happens at the end, you will survive it. One day at a time is perfect assvice. And egg retrieval could be in 13 days! Damn girl, thats so exciting!!
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