From what I have read from others blogs, it’s a pretty natural reaction to reject all things related to infertility if a cycle fails. That certainly happened to me when IVF/ICSI #1 failed, I didn’t want to read anything related to infertility and that stretched into the feeling that I needed to distance myself from my blog for a while.
Just before #1 failed I had started to read a book called ‘Making Babies The Hard Way by Caroline Gallup. It tells the real life story of a couple who meet well into their 30’s and decide they want to start a family. I got through about a third of the book before I just ‘lost interest’ after our failure.
I started reading it again the other day and in fact finished it this morning and the ending to the book started me thinking (if you want to or intend to read the book don’t carry on reading as I don’t want to spoil it for you).
The couple discovered that the man had azoospermia, so moved onto donor sperm. With the donor sperm they tried a total of 3 IUI’s (tablets and then injections) and they didn’t manage to get pregnant. They were toying with the idea of IVF but decided enough was enough…..and it was this part that fascinated me.
When is ‘enough’?
In a way I was wishing that she would try just one IVF, but then I realised that she had already pushed the boundaries of where she wanted to be, she never wanted to inject, yet she ended up trying it.
I guess it made me realise that everyone’s final boundaries are different and in a way it makes me envious that she knew where to draw the line. I know I would do anything (medical wise) to try to have a baby and therefore how will I know where my boundaries are? Will I find it difficult to say ‘enough is enough’?
The last paragraph in the book really hit home, it says:
“At some point, you have to decide how much is enough for you. Will you continue until you have a baby, or will you stop, re-assess, look inside each other’s souls and give each other permission to call it a day? Do as much as you want to, while you have the time. Might the right choice for you. Make it together and make it with love.”
I can only guess you just know in your heart when it’s time to move on.
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9 comments:
I think I knew I wasn't ready to stop, but I didn't, and still don't, know what "enough" would have been.
It is so different for everyone - some never do treatment, for some 1 cycle is enough.
I think the question is maybe better put, "are you ready to stop treatment?" My visceral response was always "no", so we kept going.
I think the last paragraph sums it up. You can't necessarily predict it but it's very personal finding the point when you've had enough.
I think, perhaps, when you just can't face it again, that is when you know to stop. When the thought of another failure would be more destructive than being left wondering 'what if...' When mentally and physically you are shattered, the hope has gone, that would be when, not immediately after a failure but after taking stock and rebalancing.
I just didn't get the 'I had enough' thought process, I couldn't imagine having no hope but I think I am nearer understanding that, sometimes not to go on is the right thing to do.
Thats a lovely book ending. Hope you're well Becks :)
I am beginning to wonder if I have had enough. It has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I am waiting for the big flashing light to tell me it has been enough, because I can't seem to get there on my own.
This is a great post. I don't know when we'd be ready to say enough is enough...and I can totally relate to feeling envious for people who really just know. To have that kind of self-awareness and decisiveness is something I was not blessed with. I fear that I'd be the one who just kept. on. going. because, well, if there's a chance...
So, I guess that means, the point at which I feel there is no chance would be the point where I'd feel enough was enough...
It's a really interesting question. I have already said that I wouldn't go through all this again ... but if it doesn't work, than I guess I probably will. Maybe even a few times.
I pray that I won't be faced with that decision. If I do have to call it a day ... the fallout would be tough on my relationship.
yep "enough" is one of the toughest calls we'll have to make is this lifetime. i'm at the threshhold of trying IVF for the first time and I'm wondering where my line is.
That is a very difficult question. I don't even want to think about it. I know I've already had enough of ART but am not ready to give up. I guess the end will be when a doctor tells me its the end.
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