Country rock and the doc

We went to see Keith Urban in concert last night. Its great being a fan of dare I say it 'country' because when the big stars come to the UK they play in such small venues - I guess they're just trying to build up their fan base.

Anyway Mr Nicole Kidman (does anyone know if she is pg or not?) did not let us down, he was very entertaining. We stayed at the back of the hall as we didn't fancy fighting our way to the front, jostling for elbow room with screaming women - no sir, I'll just stay here, tap my feet and sip my water thank you very much. I took some very bad pictures of him, so if you squint your eyes, tilt your head and stand on one leg, you might just be able to tell its him. I must say he is a bit on the cute side....mmmm.

Onto other news, and before I do I had better give you some background. I have an under active thyroid which I have been taking medication for about 2 years now. I have to have my blood tested every 6 months or so to make sure my levels are ok. Well, when I was tested late last year the results were a little borderline so the doc suggested I repeat the test in 3/4 months.

So on Monday I trotted off to the hospital for the test (they send the results back to the doctors). I got a letter in the post today asking me to book a telephone appointment to discuss the results, so unless I am stupid, I think this means my results have come back 'dodgy' again. So what is going through my mind is that if they want to change my dosage I had better speak to my IVF consultant first. He prescribed my IVF drugs based on my age and FSH levels so if my new thyroid dosage affects my FSH levels the top of my head could blow off with OHSS!!

So that's my Friday update. We're off to lesson 2 of Ballroom Dancing later....one two cha cha cha.

Note to self

I just wanted to have a note of all the dates for this cycle to either look back on with glee or morbid fascination, but mainly to know the whole timetable should we have to buy this very expensive lottery ticket again.

So for the record here they are:

• 3rd April - Start down regulating injections
• 24th April - First scan
• 1st May - Start stimulating injections
• 8th May - Day 8 scan
• 12th May - Day 12 scan (dependant on day 8 scan)
• 14th May - Egg collection *
• 17th May - Embryo transfer *

* All being well, with a bit of luck and a following wind.

All is quiet on the western front

Considering how anxious I was feeling I slept really well last night and when I woke up this morning I felt a strange calm, not nervous at all.

We headed off for the hospital, with plenty of time to spare but then got stuck in a traffic jam….grrrr. I was kicking myself and thinking we must give ourselves even more time next appointment. The hospital is about 25 minutes away so I should be grateful of that as I know lots of people travel hundreds of miles backwards and forwards to their hospitals. Anyway we made it just in time to get to the admissions office to part with £2500 (gulp) and head off to the fertility suite for the scan.

I saw Lovely Nurse Jane as soon as we arrived but this time we were seen by Gill. Whirlwind Gill…..she ran through the instructions for the new drugs at break neck speed. Break this, mix this, inject this, wipe this. My glamorous assistant’s other half's pen was nearly on fire trying to keep up with all the note taking.

Before I really knew where we were she had her magic wand out and up my tuppence (sorry Dad, but I said things might get a bit graphic). Anyway the good news is that my uterus looks ‘lovely’?!* and is in the right place….well I suppose it’s a relief its not under my left armpit!

She then set about looking for my ovaries…”mmmm I cant find them”, “well they were there in October when I had an operation”…where on earth could they be hiding I thought…..perhaps they were under my left armpit instead? Anyway, low and behold the little gems popped up on the screen one at a time and all looked good.

She also mentioned it was normal to have a longer period when starting the down regulating drugs (pheww) and that all my insides were soundly asleep.

Stimulating drugs start 1st May…one hurdle down…many more to go……but smiling a bit more today.

I can breathe again…..for now

Please don't rain on my parade

Here is my gorgeous godson with my other half. We went to his 1st birthday party yesterday. He was so happy and friendly and did nothing but smile all afternoon. I hope we get to have a 1st birthday party sometime.....

In about 12 hours we will be at the hospital. I keep thinking that its the first opportunity to fail. They will be checking if the down regulating drugs are working ok. The only thing playing on my mind is that my period has lasted 11 days whilst on the drugs. I knew I would have one but I wasn't told it should last any longer than normal.

I am scared.....

......that the drugs aren't working

......that we can't move onto the next stage

......that the stimulating drugs wont produce any follicles

......that the follicles won't produce any eggs

......that the eggs won't fertilise

......that there won't be any embryos to put back

......that the embryos don't like their new home

......that its a big fat negative

I just want the opportunity to try. Please let us be able to try.

Just messing around with photos

Me and my mate
Originally uploaded by onemiracleneeded.

So last night my other half tried to kill me....

I just had to give in...the pain was too much.....I was beaten.....the headaches had won.

My ever attentive other half could see I was in pain, so whilst I was in the bath, he said he would go and get me some paracetamol to take. We have been told by Lovely Nurse Jane that paracetamol was fine whilst I was cycling.

So he trots back with the pills and water and I gulp them down......ahh feels better already as I slipped back deeper in the water. Eventually I dragged my water-wrinkled body out of the bath, got dressed and went downstairs.

Cue dramatic music.......the empty packet on the side was not the paracetamol I had left out. In his wisdom (and normally he has it in abundance) he ignored the packet marked PARACETAMOL that had been on display in the kitchen for over 2 weeks (!*!) and instead he rummages through our medical box, at the back of the cupboard, for some other concoction of drugs.

So I'm stumbling around in the hallway, clutching my throat, shouting up to him "You've given me the wrong ruddy tablets!!!!"

At that point our new neighbours rang the doorbell and we quickly put on our best smiles and introduced ourselves. God knows what they thought as I was in my pajamas, probably with wild eyes at that point thinking...stomach pump, stomach pump, I need a stomach pump. I might be wrong but I have a funny feeling that we might not see much of them from now on.

I was delighted when I woke up this morning, for more reasons than one, and gave Lovely Nurse Jane a call. She wasn't available so I left a message for her to call me back. She did quite quickly and said 'I got a strange message that your other half has tried to poison you'....."not quite" I said "but let me tell you the story Jane".

Well, the upshot is I will live, but the learning is priceless girls.....make sure you see the packets before you pop any pills!

But the good news is...the headache has gone...whaheyy!!

Pins and needles and all that jazz

We've been away over the weekend and of course I had to carry on with the injections which meant having to make my excuses to ‘powder my nose’.

On Saturday night we went to a family Silver Wedding party. It was held at a really posh English golf club, you know the one's - where women are only allowed in certain rooms and you have to have a double-barrelled surname just to be a member. As my mobile phone buzzed at 9 p.m. to remind me ‘it was time’ I hastily dashed off to the toilet. I got into the cubicle and checked that the door was firmly locked before opening the ‘goods'...wait.....was the door really locked?...I’ll just check...yes it is, pheww. I just had this vision of the Lady Captain accidentally opening the door to find one of the members daughters ‘acting inappropriately’ in the toilet – can you imagine it!

I’d chosen the 9 p.m. timeslot carefully so it would mean I would be home most of the time, which should have been the case last night but we got stuck in motorway traffic on the way home. So at 9 ish we had to stop in one of the furthest darkest corners of a motorway service station.

It seemed like every car that drove by, did so very slowly and the grouchy monster tired person that I was, just wanted to shout “Go away, we’re trying to make a baby”, luckily I didn’t, otherwise I might have been writing a completely different post entitled “Desperately trying to explain something innocent to the local police”.

Luckily tonight I can do this from the comfort of our home, but more exotic places lie ahead - the theatre, ballroom dancing classes and a Keith Urban concert. The irony of doing it at the concert is not lost on me as I think he may have been in similar situations himself (allegedly of course!).

Anyway, all of this got me wondering about the weird and wonderful places you have had to take your bag of tricks.

So girls.... where’s the strangest place you’ve had to shoot up?

Who ordered the marching band?

Blimey, my head hurts.

I can't quite work out if its the crappy day at work that has caused it or the injections but the small brass band can just pack up and leave anytime they feel like it. I am even saying 'sshhhh' to the TV.

Bad day at work today, in fact when I read Ultimate Journey's post, I swear my mind was being read. You know those days when everything seems to go wrong and you think 'give me a break'. When every email is bad news and every call is someone with a problem and you just think 'Ahhhhh leave me ALONE!'
My boss did say to me today that I have a really difficult job so I know its not just me feeling frustrated. Still, give me a screaming baby and I'll say goodbye to it for a while with a smile on my face.

One thing my other half and I have been talking about is going away for a break if/when we have the embryo transfer. We'll probably go to Wales, where my Grandma lives and just get lots of sea air, and just relax. Today made me realise that I can't avoid days like today if I'm working, so today has been a positive in that it's made my mind up to take some time out.

Apart from the whinge about work I am feeling fine (emotionally). I have not had any contact with my friend since the pregnancy news, she's a clever cookie and probably realises I need a bit of time to adjust so I'll drop her a text to say hi later in the week.

The Buserelin injections have been fine. My other half commented last night that he thinks I am injecting it too high in my tummy....."no, go for the fat bits" he said......"you what?!*" I said as I delivered a glancing blow to his right temple! I was a bit concerned I had messed things up but I gave the clinic a quick call this morning to check, and it will be fine.

So, anyone got anything for a stinking headache?

Home alone...with my thoughts

We got up early and my other half went for a run and I cycled alongside him. I figured a gentle bike ride wouldn't do me any harm and it was nice to get some fresh air. My other half then went off to watch his beloved football team so he won't be back till late tonight.

I have mowed the lawn, (that will impress him!) read my book and sat in the conservatory in the sunshine. It has been great.

I have been thinking about our treatment but as my other half and my Mum and Dad have said we are doing all we can, so we can't do anymore and if it doesn't work then we have given it our best shot.

My friend text me this morning and said "Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. And I do believe there's gonna be a happy ending for you, it must be, because you're such a great, lovely, caring person that more than ever deserves it".....how lucky am I knowing I have people like this in my life?

So tonight, I am going to put my feet up, watch American Idol and sing like no one's listening (cat...get your ear plugs!!)

Sometimes life is tough

Picture the scene, you and one of your closest friends talk for months about both of your desires to have children. She knows that you need IVF to conceive and she doesn’t have anything wrong fertility wise but doesn’t have a boyfriend…so you kind of feel in the same boat, with the clock ticking as you're both the wrong side of 35.

Starting in October 2006 we had our first IVF consultation, then spend months waiting for blood tests, doctors appointments, hospital appointments, results, sort out the cock up from the results, re-tests, results, more tests and treatment to start. Just as I am about to start my treatment I have a dream that she is pregnant and I sent her a text, she called, and told me she was - hey perhaps I am psychic and could earn millions...one way to fund the treatment!

I am genuinely pleased for her but what do I do if my cycle fails? Our babies would have been a similar age. What will it mean for our friendship? I feel bad that I can’t really celebrate her pregnancy and go with her every step of the way because I think it will hurt me too much at th moment. I know her dream would be for us to go through it together but I know our chances are slim.

This has happened to many of you out there before and I know I’ll be ok, it’s probably just a shock at the moment. It could even be the drugs that are making me upset, but the question that keeps coming back to me is why does life have to be so tough sometimes?

The ribbon has been cut and my body is officially open for IVF business

This morning I woke up at about 4 a.m. and so hoped my mind wouldn't start running at 100 m.p.h which would stop me sleeping again. I did get a few more hours so thankfully didn't feel too shattered when I got up.

I had to go into the office straight after the hospital appointment so I put my work suit on with a pink blouse (somehow thinking that pink may bring pink lines later on in the journey). I also carefully selected my perfume and decided to wear 'Woman'. I am not normally superstitious but it just felt right to try to do every little thing I could.

We arrived at the hospital and one of the first things I noticed were the photos on the walls of what were obviously success babies - it made my heart melt. I noticed there was a lot of twins and triplets and had a quick glance at 'my other half' to check he hadn't gone pale or worse still passed out!

We were seen by a lovely lady called Jane. She talked us through all the Buserelin injections then it was time for me to inject myself. Now needles don't bother me, but there's something strange about injecting yourself. So with as steady hand a I could I injected it into my tummy.....it was quite easy. I itched like mad after but we were told that's normal.

She also told me to do everything in moderation, just like you all said, and also to take 75mg of aspirin each day as well as the folic acid. She said that research had shown that aspirin can help the embryos 'take' and it has proven to be useful for women that have had repeated miscarriages.

We go back on the 24th April for the first scan to see how things are doing and then if all goes to plan I will be having my egg collection around the 14th May. Its scary now that all of the dates are real.

So it was painless really, I went into work and tried to concentrate hard in the all day meeting I was in. My boss took me out of the meeting room as soon as I arrived to ask how I had got on. Its so nice that she is so supportive of what we're doing, it certainly helps that I know I can cancel anything in my diary, with her blessing, if I need to.

I came home with my big bag of goodies, excited that things have started and now counting the days till the first scan.

Thank you

Just wanted to say a big thank you for the comments.

I know the support that I get from you will be invaluable, so needed to let you all know that you are life savers....well probably relationship savers as well because it will stop me making my 'other half's' ears bleed about every little thing that I am thinking or feeling! It's quite sweet actually because he's really interested in the comments I get.

We've had a lovely weekend, had some family round, then when they left this morning we went for a walk down the canal which runs by our house. It's been a really sunny day, so feeling good and positive about the week ahead.

Well, I'll say bye for now and update you more in a day or so. Smiles......