Had a good weekend all in all. We went out with some close friends to the dog races on Saturday night, us girls did feel sorry for the poor things, but we had a good time picking the one's with the cute names and our favourite colours. I got the knack of it and backed 4 winners, but alas still came home with lighter pockets than when I went out.
I also went out running twice, which I really enjoyed...its a shame that I have to give up soon, as I can slowly see myself improving.
We did some shopping yesterday, the plan was to get my other half some new shoes for the wedding, which we achieved with relative ease. We made use of the extra free time and bought a couple of Christmas presents.
I decided to go into one of the large out of town mother and baby stores to get my godson a present. Places like this don't normally bother me, I just try to get in and out with minimal fuss. It seemed it slipped the store managers mind to clear the place of people for me, in fact I think they made sure it was absolutely heaving. I couldn't concentrate on what I was looking for....the noise from children and babies was very distracting. By the time I had chosen him a very cool gift, I was relieved to be getting in the queue to pay....except they like to prolong my agony....the queue was massive. The waiting was torture, everywhere I looked there were swollen bellies and tiny babies in carriers, it took all my effort to blink away the tears. The couple in front of me were buying a job lot....baby bath, nappies, food, changing mat, equipment for rock climbing (or so it seemed).
At last I made it to the front to pay, I felt a weight had been lifted...any time now I could get out. The assistant scanned my purchases, then smiled at me and said "could I possibly interest you in a store account?" I nearly ripped her limb from limb, instead I politely declined and staggered outside with an insane grin on my face.
There's a lot to be said for internet shopping!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
About time....
......I posted an update.
Things have been really hectic, mainly with the weddings plans, my sister and I are wondering what on earth we'll do when it is over. I am itching to share some of the details with you, but too many people who will be there on the day read this, so I'll just have to promise to bore you with the photos afterwards.
I've also been doing a bit of exercise, I've been running for the last couple of weeks. I got stuck in the downward spiral of wanting to lose weight for the wedding but knowing I shouldn't really exercise because of trying to have a baby. Well, I decided that I wasn't going to have everything denied so I got my trainers on and hit the road. I've really enjoyed it, and the feeling of being back in control certainly helps. I will stop exercising when IVF # 3 comes around.
Talking of IVF #3......we're ready to go again. We decided to try again before Christmas, then if it doesn't work we'll wait till after the honeymoon. So, I start down regulating on October 29th...it has come round really quickly. Starting again fills me with dread, I hit a massive low after the last failure and it took me a while to get back to my old self and it scares me to think I might have to go there again. Still, no pain, no gain...but please let the gain come sometime.
I had a stressful incident at work last week. One of my colleagues said she had some gossip for me, then later showed me her blackberry which had a email announcing that one of our colleagues wives was pregnant. What's wrong with that you might say? Well she knew we had a failed IVF and it just felt insensitive. After a moan about it to my other half, I put it out of my mind as I thought that it was just clumsy. When I arrived in work the next day, she had forwarded the email to everyone, including me, she named it 'Nappy News'. Did she think I would have forgotten about it overnight? I was mad, so I sent her a (what I think was a subtle) response saying "If only it was that easy". I thought it might just remind her of what I had been through. What did I get back? Nothing. Well at least I felt better for saying something.
We're also going on holiday in 3 weeks, we're going to a spanish island for a 2 week break. The 2nd week, my other half's family are joining us, so I am really excited about that. I am just looking forward to a bit of sun (as it hasn't been sunny in England for 345 years...well it seems like it!) and a nice rest. It'll make the down regulating fly by as I'll probably start stims the day I come back.
I think that's about it for now, I am still around, reading from the sidelines, I'll be back in full flow soon to share the ups and downs of 3rd time lucky.
P.S can't believe its 6 months tomorrow since I had a cup of coffee!! oops got that wrong....its not 6 months just yet!
Things have been really hectic, mainly with the weddings plans, my sister and I are wondering what on earth we'll do when it is over. I am itching to share some of the details with you, but too many people who will be there on the day read this, so I'll just have to promise to bore you with the photos afterwards.
I've also been doing a bit of exercise, I've been running for the last couple of weeks. I got stuck in the downward spiral of wanting to lose weight for the wedding but knowing I shouldn't really exercise because of trying to have a baby. Well, I decided that I wasn't going to have everything denied so I got my trainers on and hit the road. I've really enjoyed it, and the feeling of being back in control certainly helps. I will stop exercising when IVF # 3 comes around.
Talking of IVF #3......we're ready to go again. We decided to try again before Christmas, then if it doesn't work we'll wait till after the honeymoon. So, I start down regulating on October 29th...it has come round really quickly. Starting again fills me with dread, I hit a massive low after the last failure and it took me a while to get back to my old self and it scares me to think I might have to go there again. Still, no pain, no gain...but please let the gain come sometime.
I had a stressful incident at work last week. One of my colleagues said she had some gossip for me, then later showed me her blackberry which had a email announcing that one of our colleagues wives was pregnant. What's wrong with that you might say? Well she knew we had a failed IVF and it just felt insensitive. After a moan about it to my other half, I put it out of my mind as I thought that it was just clumsy. When I arrived in work the next day, she had forwarded the email to everyone, including me, she named it 'Nappy News'. Did she think I would have forgotten about it overnight? I was mad, so I sent her a (what I think was a subtle) response saying "If only it was that easy". I thought it might just remind her of what I had been through. What did I get back? Nothing. Well at least I felt better for saying something.
We're also going on holiday in 3 weeks, we're going to a spanish island for a 2 week break. The 2nd week, my other half's family are joining us, so I am really excited about that. I am just looking forward to a bit of sun (as it hasn't been sunny in England for 345 years...well it seems like it!) and a nice rest. It'll make the down regulating fly by as I'll probably start stims the day I come back.
I think that's about it for now, I am still around, reading from the sidelines, I'll be back in full flow soon to share the ups and downs of 3rd time lucky.
P.S can't believe its 6 months tomorrow since I had a cup of coffee!! oops got that wrong....its not 6 months just yet!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Yep, still here.....
It's been a while since I posted so thought I would update on how things are going.
I'm feeling much better, I think the daily crying stopped about a week and a half ago. I have started to think about other things and get a bit of my life back to normal.
I have kept myself busy with plans for our wedding. I have sorted the wedding cars, the flowers, the DVD man, the cake, so with everything else I had previously done, we are nearly ready to roll. I've started feeling excited about the day which I thought I might struggle. At first I couldn't get it out of my head that we were going ahead with the wedding because we failed at IVF #1 and #2, its hard to think of your wedding as second best but that's what I felt about it. I am in a much better place now and really can't wait till the big day. Oh, and we've booked our honeymoon....we're going to New Zealand for 3 and a half weeks, I'm so excited.
I also saw Mr A just over a week ago, to summarise this is the letter he sent me after the appointment:
Dear Becks,
It was a great pleasure to see you in my clinic today. You came through on 6 ampoules of Menopur and did really well. We got 6 eggs of which 5 were mature and injected and all 5 fertilised. 3 divided and 2 good quality embryos were transferred. The pregnancy test was initially faintly positive, but then turned negative. This is obviously a much better treatment cycle and I was encouraged by it and would now give you a 5 to 10 % chance per treatment cycle (previously 5%).....
So, he was happy with how things went and we have decided to try again as soon as possible, which hopefully means we can squeeze IVF #3 in before Christmas.
I also had the great pleasure of meeting up with Portia P (Desperate to Multiply) the other week. I had this idea in my head of what she was like......'an american blonde' and guess what? she's a gorgeous english brunette!! It was great to meet up and it was the first time I had met anyone that understood what it was like to walk in these uncomfortable shoes.....I could have talked all day.
Finally, a massive congratulations to Erin and Leah. I am so thrilled for you girls and I hope that the DHEA was the magic ingredient!
I'm feeling much better, I think the daily crying stopped about a week and a half ago. I have started to think about other things and get a bit of my life back to normal.
I have kept myself busy with plans for our wedding. I have sorted the wedding cars, the flowers, the DVD man, the cake, so with everything else I had previously done, we are nearly ready to roll. I've started feeling excited about the day which I thought I might struggle. At first I couldn't get it out of my head that we were going ahead with the wedding because we failed at IVF #1 and #2, its hard to think of your wedding as second best but that's what I felt about it. I am in a much better place now and really can't wait till the big day. Oh, and we've booked our honeymoon....we're going to New Zealand for 3 and a half weeks, I'm so excited.
I also saw Mr A just over a week ago, to summarise this is the letter he sent me after the appointment:
Dear Becks,
It was a great pleasure to see you in my clinic today. You came through on 6 ampoules of Menopur and did really well. We got 6 eggs of which 5 were mature and injected and all 5 fertilised. 3 divided and 2 good quality embryos were transferred. The pregnancy test was initially faintly positive, but then turned negative. This is obviously a much better treatment cycle and I was encouraged by it and would now give you a 5 to 10 % chance per treatment cycle (previously 5%).....
So, he was happy with how things went and we have decided to try again as soon as possible, which hopefully means we can squeeze IVF #3 in before Christmas.
I also had the great pleasure of meeting up with Portia P (Desperate to Multiply) the other week. I had this idea in my head of what she was like......'an american blonde' and guess what? she's a gorgeous english brunette!! It was great to meet up and it was the first time I had met anyone that understood what it was like to walk in these uncomfortable shoes.....I could have talked all day.
Finally, a massive congratulations to Erin and Leah. I am so thrilled for you girls and I hope that the DHEA was the magic ingredient!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Still waiting for life to start
The very unwelcome visitor in red turned up today. At least my 5 extra days on death row was cut short. I won't need to go the hospital tomorrow, so again I am spared the extra agony.
I am upset that it didn't work, but I am trying to find the positives in this cycle. I think 'something right' happened and although neither sausage or mash made it, I do feel we have made some progress from last time.
Life seems a bit empty at the moment and I can't get interested in anything, I am going to see Mr A on Thursday to see where we go from here, the strange things is, I'm not even interested in that at the moment. I know it will pass...it will just take some time.
Thanks for all the support.....whether you are waiting, hoping, crying or celebrating, I wish you well.
I am upset that it didn't work, but I am trying to find the positives in this cycle. I think 'something right' happened and although neither sausage or mash made it, I do feel we have made some progress from last time.
Life seems a bit empty at the moment and I can't get interested in anything, I am going to see Mr A on Thursday to see where we go from here, the strange things is, I'm not even interested in that at the moment. I know it will pass...it will just take some time.
Thanks for all the support.....whether you are waiting, hoping, crying or celebrating, I wish you well.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
She said what?!*
I joined a newly formed club today, it's called the 'Maybe Pregnant Club'. Yes, you read it right, I might be pregnant......what?!!!*
How can anyone be 'Maybe Pregnant'? You either are or your not. To me it's a bit like being alive, you either are or your not.
How can anyone be 'Maybe Pregnant'? You either are or your not. To me it's a bit like being alive, you either are or your not.
But it seems I have been awkward yet again and got them scratching their heads at the hospital. The test was inconclusive. They do a more sophisticated version of the pee stick test (no blood tests at my clinic) and there was a really really really faint line. I nearly fell of my chair, I couldn't say much as I was so aware of the aroma I was giving off from the over consumption of wine last night....oops.
She said something was going on as it wouldn't be the trigger shot still in my system and it would either carry on and be ok or would fade away. Apparently 50% of people go on to have a scan from this type of result, I'll take those odds thank you, considering my consultant said we had a 5% chance of IVF working for us.
I asked to keep the test, so I could show you all. By the time I got home, the test line seemed darker. It might not be easy to see but what do you think?
So, the rollercoaster continues and I go back on Monday for a repeat test. If anyone is looking for me over the next 5 days tell please them they'll find me camped in the toilet, overdosing on pregnancy tests, looking for my 'Maybe Baby'.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Monday, September 03, 2007
The Day After Tomorrow
I feel much better now (9dp3dt). I still don't feel like this has worked but I feel like I am coming out of the tunnel and whichever way the road leads I am glad it is coming to an end. Just like IVF #1, I will be glad to have my life back, even if I have to face the heartache of another failure.
I had period pains on and off all day last Thursday (5dp3dt). I know that this probably means nothing, but in a way I was pleased something seemed to be happening. To put it into perspective, here's my current thinking:
I had period pains on and off all day last Thursday (5dp3dt). I know that this probably means nothing, but in a way I was pleased something seemed to be happening. To put it into perspective, here's my current thinking:
- no symptoms can mean a positive
- symptoms can mean a positive
- no symptoms can mean a negative
- symptoms can mean a negative.
So it's a lottery as we all know.
The good news is that I will know in 48 hours. In 48 hours my world may come crashing down, in 48 hours I could be the happiest girl in the world.....which will it be?
P.S Little old me got another Rockin' Giril Blogger nomination today....yippeeee. Ahh, the world is not all that bad.
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